CAMINO STAGE 8: Pobena to Castro Urdiales Camino Del Norte Route – El Camino De Santiago 12 miles – 30 days left

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“Our human nature, our human spirit, wants no boundaries” Leslie Marmon

A week before my daughter’s wedding, she and I visited Washington D.C.’s National Gallery of Art to admire Spanish painter, Bartolomé Murillo’s Two Women at a Window. The lovely girl in the painting was right at the edge of the canvas as if able to permeate it. Murillo was fascinated by boundaries —the secular and the sacred, and the viewer and the painting. He liked the subjects to encroach right up to the viewer’s space. As I admired the painting, I was aware that my daughter, right next to me, would be crossing through the canvas and boundaries of her old life at home and stepping into her own new world, and the awareness left a pang in my heart. But I also felt happiness for her progressing through the stages of her life.

“Compassion knows no boundaries but comes with awareness.” Amit Ray

This morning, while preparing breakfast in the common space of our Camino room rental, one of the other pilgrims left her bedroom with her pack already on her back and headed to the exit. I said “Good Morning,” and she paused. I was suddenly aware she was hungry, and I asked her if she wanted breakfast. She smiled and undid her pack and joined us. She introduced herself as Donna from Essex and explained that she hadn’t had any dinner the night before as she couldn’t find anything open in the small town. (We had packed in groceries from another town for just that very reason.) As we ate, Donna shared that her friends had let her down and backed out of walking the Camino with her, but the journey by herself forced her to cross the boundaries of what she thought she was capable of and allowed her to step across barriers and make friends with pilgrims from various nationalities. Her experience was richer for it. Seeing her depart alone, I felt a pang but admired her courage to stretch her personal comfort zone, push back at limiting boundaries on her road to self awareness and growth.

“Mountains & rivers know the secret… they pay no attention to boundaries.” Brian Andreas

Shouldering our packs, we looked forward to climbing the coastal mountains above Pobena. Soon were at the boundary between the Basque Lands and Cantabria. We had no idea when we crossed over as it possessed the same beauty. Like students of the painter Murillo, we were right up against the cliff drop off and had to be careful as a lot of the protective fence was missing. Steve’s poor feet were still blistered and painful. Watching him walk caused another pang to my heart. But he continued to push through the limits of his own physical boundaries and carried on.

“There should be no boundaries to human endeavor. However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there’s life, there is hope.” Stephen Hawking

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“Never assume you can’t do something. Push yourself to redefine the boundaries.” Brian Chesky

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New strength and understanding coursed through us today. Weariness is not gone, but it’s a teaching tool, and we have befriended it. There’s so much beauty and our spirits press to the edges to contain it all. Boundaries were meant to be enlarged as we redefine ours, we push onward with hope.

CAMINO STAGE 7: Bilbao to Pobena Camino Del Norte Route – 15 miles El Camino De Santiago

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A few years back while visiting the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, this lovely pear blossom painting captured my attention. We had just been to Provence, France, where Van Gogh had been inspired to paint a series of these flowering trees with delicate blossoms.

This afternoon’s camino through Portugalete on the way to Pobena, we passed by these white flowering bushes and trees which reminded me of the Van Gogh blossom painting and something he’d said that ‘ by really looking at things, we, not the object, have deeper meaning. ‘

“It is looking at things for a long time that ripens you and gives you a deeper meaning. ” Vincent Van Gogh

While our two sets of clothes have the potential to ‘ripen’ by the end of the 37 days of exertion on the Camino, I pondered how we were ‘ripening,” evolving and gaining deeper meaning as we had been looking at the trail and each other’s backpacks for a week now. It was “love” that circled back to me. Not the romantic dinner and flowers type of love but the dirty gritty type of love that offers to carry things in your pack when you are tired and offers to pop the blisters on your feet and bind them up. This love is strength on hard days and gets you up and down yet another mountain.

“It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done.” Vincent Van Gogh

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But it’s also tender love that doesn’t mind slowing down from sixteen minute miles to 24 minute miles and love that lets you stop and admire Jersey cows, kittens, goats & sheep, el mar, (the sea), kiwi and all manner of fruit and flowers. Its also the type of love that shares the last of the food and chocolate, and puts on a brave face while in pain and smiles anyway. This type of love is your kids cheering you on… comparing you to a Roman soldier carrying their armor mile after mile. This is love done well,

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While walking I also thought about parents and grandparents who have moved on to the next life. They are with me in my heart and mind and their love through time and space is what gives me the strength to keep walking day after day.

As Van Gogh says what is done in love is “well done” and what gives us deeper meaning .

There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people. ”

– Vincent Van Gogh

CAMINO STAGE 6- Gernika to Bilbao Camino del Norte Route – 20 miles Camino De Santiago

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“The longer you continue the journey, the more exciting it becomes, because of the chance you have to learn about who you really are and what you can do.” Art Berg

Time has started to lose meaning the longer we walk the Camino. Some minutes, while pain is severe, stretch an eternity but other times an hour or two unfolds in the hypnotic breathing of nature.

We turned inland today leaving the coastal mountains of the Guernica behind as we headed for Bilbao. Steve’s grandfather was born in Bilbao and the excitement carried us forward. It’s easier to understand yourself when you know who and where you come from.

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When we reached Bilbao we dumped our packs and went in search of the church where Steve’s grandfather was christened, and a street and vague address a half a mile away where he was born. In an ancient city we figured we may have luck finding the apartment building his grandfather grew up in.

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We found the church where Steve’s grandfather Victor was christened, San Vicente Mártir, easily enough. Sadly it was closed by the time we got there. We moved on to the street where his grandfather was born, which was two city blocks long. In the 1890’s the apartment buildings had letters over the threshold. Now there were just numbers, so while we couldn’t find the exact apartment, it was fun to think his grandfather had played in the street here as a child. When his grandfather was a young adult, he emigrated to Chile. At the time in Bilbao, the communists were controlling and killing people and South America had more freedoms and opportunities. It was fascinating to return to see his grandfather’s origins and appreciate his grandfather’s courage to find a better life.

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor Frankl

Thinking about courage, I was mindful of Steve’s courage through cancer and chemo and how he, like his grandfather, had the courage to move to another country, to take the longer but better route in moving to Spain, land of his ancestry for a healthier pace and quality of life.

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” Alan Cohen

We continue our movement of life, one step in front of the other, on the Camino.

CAMINO STAGE 5- Markina Xeimen to Guernica (Gernika) 18 miles. Camino Del Norte Route El Camino De Santiago

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You just have to go half way… and a little more. John Tavner “Patriot”

One of our favorite TV series “Patriot” ends with the protagonist John Tavner beaten and broken swimming the English Channel, with jelly fish stinging him, in order to finish his mission. He has shown all through the series that if he can just make his journey half way, he can finish …as it’s the same distance turning around from halfway as it is to go forward. So he just has “to go a little more.”

We were one of the last pilgrims to leave the pensione Casa Rural Intxauspe at 8:30 am. Another 93 degree hot day meant earlier was better but we had to get Steve’s blistered feet taped and bolstered before leaving. The Camino stage the day before was brutal and everyone was blistered and hobbling as they left. Within a couple hours, even though we left later, we started coming across pilgrims injured, exhausted and discouraged on the side of the trail. One German woman I had I interacted with and hung her laundry on the line the day before, had tears rolling down her face. (I had read a blog where discouragement and crying kicks in around day 4/5). I stopped on the steep ascent and asked her if she was ok. She nodded, cried some more and wiped her tears. She said in broken English “I think I’m ok now… to go more.”

The human spirit is so remarkable— during difficult challenges it can still find reserves “to go a little more.” Descending one mountain and starting up another we crossed a freeway and a man leaned out his car and waved and cheered us with a “Buen Camino” helping us climb in a little more.

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I was thinking about Pablo Picasso’s painting “Guernica” (as we were hiking to the Basque town of Gernika) and the anguish Picasso painted after Guernica was bombed by Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy in 1937 during the Spanish Civil War. As we passed the injured and as I looked at Steve, grimacing but still walking, due to his painful blisters, the painting’s howling and feet in the bottom right made me feel great compassion for those that carry on a little more despite great pain.

“While the difficult takes time, the impossible just takes a little longer.” Art Berg

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The last three miles stretched an eternity but we distracted ourselves looking at vineyards, looking at beautiful basque homes with cascading flowers from the windows, listening to church bells and the sound of cows with bells around their necks. We made it a little longer….

CAMINO STAGE 4 – Deba to Markina-Xemein Camino Del Norte route- Camino De Santiago

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“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” Muhammad Al

Found ourselves standing at the bottom of the mountain—again. Deba was in our rear view sites by eight am, as the Markina-Xemein stage was a 5/5 difficulty with 93 degree temps, no towns or services along the way, distance and ascents. All grocery stores were closed the night before and didn’t open the next morning until after we’d left. We had four slices of left over subpar pizza from a Kebab place, 3 liters of water, and a handful of hard candies to carry us 18 miles. At the mountain trail first rise we knew we were going to have to dig deep — down to the fumes at the bottom of the soul for the match to be even for us against the mountains as we were battling fatigued legs and Steve’s feet were trashed.

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We got a little reprieve of purple shade before bursting into scorching sun, thistles, blackberry briar. Any deviation left or right to avoid swampy rutted roads rewarded us with scratched arms and snagged clothes.

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“When there is no way out — that is the very moment when we explode from within. The sudden surfacing of a strength of unknown origin, welling up from beyond reason, rational expectation, and hope.” — Émile Durkheim

The hills were barren of shade because they had all been stripped for lumber. Thankfully we found a natural spring dripping water so we could refill our water bottle as we were dehydrated and still had six miles to go. This was enough to give us energy to trudge on.

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With three miles to go I was panting in the heat and Steve was hobbling from blistered feet. It’s always at this do or die moment, when hitting rock bottom and you can’t take another step, that the magical surfacing of strength kicks in. My hands went from numb to alive and my aching legs decided to get a second wind.

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We scrambled along the Highway and jumped the guard rail, got screamed at by a man who said we were trespassing and finally found our pensione with two other beaten down pilgrims who arrived just before us. With laundry done, we had a fabulous meal and hobbled to the grocery store with other limping pilgrims. While our clothes dried in the breeze we watched the sunset on another terrible wonderful Camino day.

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“When you feel like you have been hit, dig deep and hit back. Rock bottom is not your end; it is your beginning.” — Christine Evangelou

CAMINO STAGE 3: Zarautz to Deba

“Who says there has to be a point?” Or a reason. Maybe it’s just something you have to do.” Sarah Dessen

On the fifteenth straight up climb on cliff edges and mountains today, on the coastal variant Camino Del Norte route of the Camino de Santiago Steve jokingly asked, “Why are we doing this? In the middle of challenges, asking “why” is a thought to gnaw on. But sometimes “the why” is just because.

For as long as there’s anyone to ask ‘Why?’ the answer will always be, ‘Why not? Vera Nazarian,

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We met a fellow pilgrim, on what felt like the hardest day yet, named Sebastián from Germany who walked with Steve and I for 5 miles before heading to his albergue. Asking about his story while we walked, he shared how he worked long hours at an engineering firm to save for a wife and home for one day. One afternoon while working with his friend and coworker, the friend was rushed to the hospital and died. This shook Sebastián to the core and he quit his job and started walking the Camino for answers to “why” and the purpose of life. When his mom asked him why he had to go traipse across Spain, he said “why not?”

“The why must never be obvious. That is the whole point.” Agatha Christie

After parting ways and feeling motivated to take the GR coastal variant we were rewarded with spectacular views but very challenging up and downhills. We’ve hiked many times in Colorado, Utah, Virginia, Italy and Guam and Germany but this one long extended hike was a whole other animal. We bumped into some American students again who were just starting for the day and feeling exhausted already. They joined us as we crossed over a ridge in Zumaia. The beach below had the most incredible rock formations from a meteor impact crater from eons ago. (The beach was also a film site for Game of Thrones.) cresting the beachhead left us breathless in more ways than one. After a hot tiring climb, one of the students asked “why do we go up just to immediately go back down and up over and over? Isn’t there a better way?” Her companion said “don’t ask why, it just is.”

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“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going to fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and WHY.” Eddie Cantor

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We parted ways as they stopped for lunch and as we headed on we had two more groups who started following us. There’s comfort in struggling with others. 16 grueling miles before we made it down the mountain for the day. Our “why are we doing this” became clear again and again as we paused from time to time to catch our breath and cheer each other on. Every break we were rewarded with spellbinding views. The journey into “why” was put on hold to ruminate on during tomorrow’s climb.

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CAMINO STAGE 2- San Sebastián to Zarautz

“I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story… I decided I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me.” Cheryl Strayed –Wild

Day two in hiking boots— we felt a touch of trepidation this morning knowing full well now what the day entailed—tackling seventeen miles on a steep grade in high humidity and 88+ degree temps with already taxed muscles, blisters and an inflamed nerve. We wondered again if we picked a route too challenging for us. My son messaged right before we set off and said “if Reese Witherspoon could hike a ‘1000 miles’ in the movie “Wild,” you can too lol.” This absurd encouragement shooed away residual anticipation of pain and replaced it with laughter.

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Fear is a genuine response in the face of anything difficult and untried because of absences—Absence in knowing what lies around the bend… absence in knowing limitations and capability to continue over 800km.

“Enlightenment is not something you achieve. It is the absence of something.”

Joko Beck

However, in the absences is where we found courage, abundance and ourselves. In the absence of yellow camino markers, Steve navigated and found the way. In the absence of water in our bottles, we stumbled upon a couple streams with cool water. In the absence of other pilgrims, a gaggle of kind American students stopped right by us.. In the absence of coolness, a breeze and sliver of shade appeared. At the absence of energy the coastal town of Orio had one lone cafe table so we could eat, refuel and regenerate. At the end of each, an understanding that “the Camino provides,” a phenomena born of lack and absence of any creature comfort is where transformation and enlightenment happens. And this is the place where we chose to tell ourself a different story…that doubt and fear was unfounded and we were strong and brave and nothing could vanquish us.

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“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela

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The last killer climb and final descent into Zarautz unfolded the most stunning beach far below. Taking the longer scenic route down, we were rewarded with stirring cliffside views… and hundreds of steep steps dissolving into slippery slopes to get down to the beach. Despite the slow going, burning quads and parched throats, we lumbered on.

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The story we tell ourselves now: demons of fear do exist but there is strength in our absences to overcome them. Onward little band of Moore’s

“Nothing can be sadder or more profound than to see a thousand things for the first and last time.” Victor Hugo

We have lived one year in Valencia, Spain. As I write that, I can’t fathom how that’s possible. That milestone fluttered in swiftly and softly…a flash of a butterfly … here and gone. Being enamored with a place, adapting to a mediterranean mindset, a rhythm and meter unlike any I have known, time lost dimension for us while we were being transformed. But here I am blinking rapidly in the sunlight at my first and last moments in Valencia, and I am aware we didn’t fully comprehend our metamorphosis over the last year while we were undergoing a change. But now with the molting slowing down, our opened suitcases and lives, expunged of the non- essential, suddenly glimpses of who we’ve become, stand in contrast to our bleary selves who disembarked just last July. In the process of shedding the protective chrysalis of Valencia in preparation of relocating to Granada, and downgrading from six stuffed suitcases to two, a three bedroom apartment down to one, and tossing a carryon of anxiety and inadequacy, I grasp the epiphany of evolving into a lighter being. I am deeply grateful for our year chorused by seagulls and renewed by sunshine, for the comfort and rest acquired while sleeping and waking to medieval church bells, for the growth of learning a new language, and thoughts, and for having time to practice the dropping of the tug-of-war rope in arguments to finally achieve peace. We are new beings rescued and rehabilitated by Spain.

When we arrived, despite COVID lockdowns, we were granted permission to work with a fabulous HGTV film crew from London. They followed us for three days as we searched for the perfect place to live in Valencia.

It is not lost on me that our first choice of apartments was also our last and best choice. While we’ve lived with bees making mud nests in the wall, and neighbors’ constant remodeling, we have also lived with the enthralling gurgling fountain in the plaza below, a terrace that affords cool breezes all summer long and the most mesmerizing sunsets that bath us in ochre light.

WISH LIST

While house hunting when filming HHI, we came up with a list of things we wanted in a home. It’s noteworthy to me that in life and home hunting, it’s inevitable that you end up with what you need more than with what you want. And therein lies the magic …when you evolve from someone who “wants what they want” to someone who is mindfully appreciative of anything and everything they receive.

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“If you want to achieve greatness, climb your own mountain…and use yourself as your first and last consultant.” Wayne Dyer

Initially, we didn’t know if we wanted to live by the sea or in the historic part of town. After some discussion, we realized we already knew we wanted to live on an ancient street surrounded roman ruins, by palaces turned into museums, near the central market to shop for fresh produce and to frequent shops as regulars.

“Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first time or the last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with wonder.” Betty Smith

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ACTIVITIES

One of the lovely things about living in a coastal town is having abundant water sports readily available. We have done stand up paddle board on Guam, in Hawaii and Brazil, and we jumped right back into it in Spain. But Summertime in the water is slightly different than being in the water in the winter. We looked at the heavy surf driven higher by the wind and offered up silent prayers as we headed out with our boards.

“The first and last stages of living are crowned with prayer.” Edward McKendree Bounds

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When were at the surf shop picking up our boards, they recommended we not go out on the water. There were kite surfers and wind surfers past the breakers flying by at 60 mph. The sea in Valencia has many moods and various boisterous winds, and looking out of the churned water, we knew we were poised for wipeouts. But we got in and had our adventure anyway. We were both knocked off our boards but you aren’t a real paddle boarder if you haven’t been thrown. Steve gave the traditional high school football pep talk that we would give it 110% and would come out victorious and we did.

FAMILY

Along with wanting to get healthy with exercise and a Mediterranean diet, we also came to Valencia to do genealogy as Steve’s maternal side is from Spain. We learned during the Spanish Civil War that some churches were burned but that didn’t stop Steve from still trying to find family records. Steve’s language ability in Spanish and career has helped him contact civil government in various cities to locate family names. We will continue to look for family names in Granada as Steve’s great grandmother was born and married there.

“Your first and last and all-absorbing aim… excel… this is a source of happiness to your ancestors.” Plato

HOUSE #2 – the Winner

With olive oil tasting, shoe shopping, horchata sampling aside, we got busy finding a place to live. When we walked through the apartment for the first time, we instinctually knew this was where we’d call “home” for a time. It is easy to not “see things” when you see them everyday, but this last year, knowing it was a temporary stay, I have loved and admired the exposed brick in the apartment and marble kitchen and baths and the expansive terrace atop the 100 year old+ building. Because of COVID and Spain being shut down, we weren’t able to have family come visit. And just as we are preparing to leave, our episode hit the airwaves. Family and friends were able to see where we live, and their new eyes looking at our apartment has made us fall in love with the apartment all over again. It is hard to go, but who knows what the future hold, our road may bend and lead back to Valencia again.

“The last time is the one that gets you, because it leads right into the first time.”
― Rudolph Wurlitzer, 

“ In life there are countless firsts and even more lasts. The firsts are easy to recognize. When you’ve never experienced something before, you know exactly when you are encountering it for the first time. But lasts? Lasts nearly always surprise us. It’s only after they’ve disappeared that we realize we’ll never again have that particular moment or person or experience.” ― Frances de Pontes Peebles

ENDINGS

As a keeper of friends, memories and photos, I have found it is hard to let things go. But living a minimalist lifestyle the last year has given me numerous opportunities to practice with abundant thinking and gratitude. I am learning to appreciate the bounty of “what is” and let go of “what was. ” While I am still a lover of shoes, I have learned be happy with three pairs of espadrilles and am able to acknowledge it is enough. Letting go is a lesson in flight. I am lighter and my first pair of wings leaves me with exhilarating eye-opening perspectives. My first and last thought each day is pausing to appreciate our time in Valencia.

“Sometimes you just don`t know that it is the last time. But that`s a good thing, because if you did know, it would be almost impossible to let go .” 
― Lauren Oliver