But for Shadow

CAMINO STAGE 1- Irún to San Sebastián

“Shadow is the means by which bodies display their form. Bodies could not be understood in detail except for shadow.”

Leonardo Da Vinci

Awash in darkness and shadows, we

strapped on our twenty pound packs and headed out on the more difficult Northern route of El Camino De Santiago. Crossing over Ponte Saint Jacques from Hendaye, France, into Irún, Spain, we were grateful that the rain fizzled out and left only a few low lying clouds behind.

In the overcast haze, we remarked how we could see the shape of the rolling hills and the color of the water better with the shadows. In bright sunlight, which we had been hoping for, the view would have been a completely different experience.

Within a few miles, Leonardo’s ‘bodies need shadow to be understood’ became clear. As we dodged muddy puddles and immediately started a steep ascent of 2000 feet Steve got a blister on top of a blister and my pack was making my arm go numb. And on a vertical descent, I slipped and landed on my backside and my sciatic nerve made every step feel like I was being jabbed by an ice pick. Our injuries cast a shadow over us. Knowing there was nowhere to go but onward, we straightened our packs and kept going as it was a 20 mile day.

The interesting thing about shadows is an effect called “penumbra” or “almost shadow,” where only a portion of the light source is blocked. Because we were moving slower and more resolutely now, we noticed things we wouldn’t have seen if we were more able bodied— a giant blue snail slithering along, opened chestnut husks that looked like butterfly wings, goats filing down horns on branches and wild, colorful hydrangea. And most importantly, we stopped and chatted with Hungarians (Gabrielle & Bernadette) and Spaniards that we would have just said “Hola” to and passed by quickly without further thought if we were uninjured. Light slowly penetrated my understand of one of the myriad of lessons on the camino, only by peering into our shadow self during challenges, do we see our true form and appreciate the gift of a buoyant body. Despite pain and great fatigue our bodies carried us on… an imperfect, exhausting walk, was in essence perfect.

“There is no light without shadow and no wholeness without imperfection.” Carl Jung

“Maybe the only thing each of us can see is our own dark shadow.” Carl Jung

“We are but dust and shadow” Horace

We try to challenge ourselves every decade to prove we are alive. The seventeenth mile uphill whispered we ‘weren’t tough enough and didn’t prepare enough,’ …but we put one foot in front of the other and hobbled on.

“.. there are shadows because there are hills.” E.M. Forester

It takes time to get your stride, to have the strength and energy to endure daily climbs. The two week mark on the Camino is where the body becomes adaptive to the ups and downs. We were told many people skip the Irún leg due to the difficulty and just start the Camino in San Sebastián so they don’t give up the first day. Despite all the prep work we did for the camino, we found this climb was a whole other level of strength. A couple times pushing collapse, cresting yet another ridge, a butterfly flitted past my face, an encouragement to just keep walking. After catching our breath, we trudged on to San Sebastián. A lady passed and said “Buen Camino” and our energy returned just like that. When we reached our hostal, the sky opened up and the rain pounded the streets and we rested from our journey, feeling worn but exhilarated after completing our first goal. Day one, 36 more to go…. shadow follow if you will, we are moving on.

God gives us sensitiveness to beauty in all its forms but the shadow of the gift goes with it.” L.M. Montgomery

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